Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens.

Goldenrod and the 4H stone,
the things I brought you,
when I found out you had cancer of the bone
Your father cried on the telephone,
and he drove his car into the navy yard,
just to prove that he was sorry
In the morning, through the window shade,
when the light pressed up against your shoulderblade,
I could see what you were reading.
All the glory that the Lord has made,
and the complications you could do without,
when I kissed you on the mouth.
Tuesday night at the Bible study,
we lift our hands and pray over your body,
but nothing ever happens.
I remember at Michael's house,
in the living room when you kissed my mouth,
and I almost touched your blouse.
In the morning at the top of the stairs,
when your father found out what we did that night,
and you told me you were scared.
All the glory when you ran outside,
with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied,
and you told me not to follow you.
Sunday night when I cleaned the house,
I find the card where you wrote it out,
with the pictures of you mother.
On the floor at the great divide,
with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied,
I am crying in the bathroom.
In the morning when you finally go,
and the nurse runs in with her head hung low,
and the cardinal hits the window.
In the morning in the winter shade,
on the 1st of March on the holiday,
I thought I saw you breathing.
All the glory that the Lord has made,
and the complications when I see His face,
in the morning in the window.
All the glory when he took our place,
but he took my shoulders and he shook my face,
and he takes and he takes and he takes.

I was listening to this song, and it kind of got me thinking about my dad and stuff. I was just thinking about how frustrating it is that I wasn't able to do anything to help, and how much I wish I could've. So I started looking up websites about leukemia, and I found this: http://www.lightthenight.org. This is something I'd really like to do, but not alone. When people talk about cancer and wanting to do something about it, they usually only focus on breast cancer. And while I realize that it's as worthy a cause as any, the way I see it.. it just isn't fair. You NEVER hear about people doing anything for leukemia. I'd like to change that, get people talking, even if it's only a small change within the community. So if I've never asked you for a favour before in my life, or even if I have, I'm asking for one now: would anyone like to do this with me?

So strange.

About a month and a half ago, I got in contact with an old friend named Nadine again. Nadine and I had known each other since junior kindergarten, but went off to different high schools after grade 8. We lost touch, becoming involved in new schools and with new friends. But a little while ago, I got curious about how she was doing, and decided to look her up on the ever-useful MySpace. We talked a bit for a while, and then I mentioned how I'd gotten in contact with her again to another girl we'd gone to elementary and middle school with, Natalie. This seemed to spark something in Natalie, and she began on a mission to find people we'd stopped talking to over the years. She was asking me to think of people who we hadn't seen in years, and somehow along the way, she got the newly-reconnected Nadine into it, as well as two other people we'd gone to elementary and middle school with, Ashley and Jesse. We all ended up in a big group conversation on MSN, just reminiscing about old times, old friends, old teachers. Now this was nuts to me, because Ashley was the only one I had stayed friends with over the years. Natalie I saw and talked to every once in a while, but Nadine I hadn't seen in forever. Jesse and I hadn't seen each other since the last day of grade 8, which had kind of saddened me since we went all the way back to daycare when we were babies. But there we were, all together. Nadine asked Natalie why she was doing this, why she couldn't just leave things in the past. Jesse commented that it's good to go back and revisit every once in a while. And frankly, I couldn't agree more. We all have embarrassing moments, regrets, stupid reasons that make us want to stay far away from the people we used to be close to. But tonight's TDI further cemented in my mind that what you go through makes you YOU. Your experiences, both bad and good, are purely that: yours. I know I have things in my past that I wish I could change, but I can't. And if I could.. would I go through with it? Probably not. My experiences have shaped me into who I am today. I know that I still have a long path ahead of me to walk down, I have many more struggles and many more triumphs to experience. But hey, they're mine to experience, no one else's.

And you know what else? Tonight Natalie went and spent some time with Ashley, and Nadine invited me out with her and another girl from elementary school. I love the way things end up working out.