Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens.

Goldenrod and the 4H stone,
the things I brought you,
when I found out you had cancer of the bone
Your father cried on the telephone,
and he drove his car into the navy yard,
just to prove that he was sorry
In the morning, through the window shade,
when the light pressed up against your shoulderblade,
I could see what you were reading.
All the glory that the Lord has made,
and the complications you could do without,
when I kissed you on the mouth.
Tuesday night at the Bible study,
we lift our hands and pray over your body,
but nothing ever happens.
I remember at Michael's house,
in the living room when you kissed my mouth,
and I almost touched your blouse.
In the morning at the top of the stairs,
when your father found out what we did that night,
and you told me you were scared.
All the glory when you ran outside,
with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied,
and you told me not to follow you.
Sunday night when I cleaned the house,
I find the card where you wrote it out,
with the pictures of you mother.
On the floor at the great divide,
with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied,
I am crying in the bathroom.
In the morning when you finally go,
and the nurse runs in with her head hung low,
and the cardinal hits the window.
In the morning in the winter shade,
on the 1st of March on the holiday,
I thought I saw you breathing.
All the glory that the Lord has made,
and the complications when I see His face,
in the morning in the window.
All the glory when he took our place,
but he took my shoulders and he shook my face,
and he takes and he takes and he takes.

I was listening to this song, and it kind of got me thinking about my dad and stuff. I was just thinking about how frustrating it is that I wasn't able to do anything to help, and how much I wish I could've. So I started looking up websites about leukemia, and I found this: http://www.lightthenight.org. This is something I'd really like to do, but not alone. When people talk about cancer and wanting to do something about it, they usually only focus on breast cancer. And while I realize that it's as worthy a cause as any, the way I see it.. it just isn't fair. You NEVER hear about people doing anything for leukemia. I'd like to change that, get people talking, even if it's only a small change within the community. So if I've never asked you for a favour before in my life, or even if I have, I'm asking for one now: would anyone like to do this with me?

So strange.

About a month and a half ago, I got in contact with an old friend named Nadine again. Nadine and I had known each other since junior kindergarten, but went off to different high schools after grade 8. We lost touch, becoming involved in new schools and with new friends. But a little while ago, I got curious about how she was doing, and decided to look her up on the ever-useful MySpace. We talked a bit for a while, and then I mentioned how I'd gotten in contact with her again to another girl we'd gone to elementary and middle school with, Natalie. This seemed to spark something in Natalie, and she began on a mission to find people we'd stopped talking to over the years. She was asking me to think of people who we hadn't seen in years, and somehow along the way, she got the newly-reconnected Nadine into it, as well as two other people we'd gone to elementary and middle school with, Ashley and Jesse. We all ended up in a big group conversation on MSN, just reminiscing about old times, old friends, old teachers. Now this was nuts to me, because Ashley was the only one I had stayed friends with over the years. Natalie I saw and talked to every once in a while, but Nadine I hadn't seen in forever. Jesse and I hadn't seen each other since the last day of grade 8, which had kind of saddened me since we went all the way back to daycare when we were babies. But there we were, all together. Nadine asked Natalie why she was doing this, why she couldn't just leave things in the past. Jesse commented that it's good to go back and revisit every once in a while. And frankly, I couldn't agree more. We all have embarrassing moments, regrets, stupid reasons that make us want to stay far away from the people we used to be close to. But tonight's TDI further cemented in my mind that what you go through makes you YOU. Your experiences, both bad and good, are purely that: yours. I know I have things in my past that I wish I could change, but I can't. And if I could.. would I go through with it? Probably not. My experiences have shaped me into who I am today. I know that I still have a long path ahead of me to walk down, I have many more struggles and many more triumphs to experience. But hey, they're mine to experience, no one else's.

And you know what else? Tonight Natalie went and spent some time with Ashley, and Nadine invited me out with her and another girl from elementary school. I love the way things end up working out.

I got in!

So I got home after an amazingly fun time at TDI, and more fun afterwards, and I came online to quickly check my e-mail. I had 2 e-mails from Centennial. I read them and turns out.. I GOT IN FOR BOTH PROGRAMS I APPLIED FOR! I'm soo happy. Now I just have to figure out which one I want to actually take. I'm leaning more towards Office Admin I think, but my mom's pushing for ECE. Aggh I don't know which one to choose. I need some kind of.. sign or something.

I'm so stoked though!

Oh man..

While the youth of a church located in Scarborough were praying about the violence in the city, a family, also located in Scarborough, is stabbed to death in their own home.

Disgustingly ironic.

So.

I need to get myself a job. Who wants to come job hunting? Anyone? Eh? Eh?

Four.

Four Jobs I've had:
1. Babysitter
2. Kettles
3. I haven't actually had much work experience, so I'm including volunteer stuff too: Assistant coach for elementary school gymnastics.
4. Teacher assistant.

Four Movies I can Watch Over and Over
1. The Goonies
2. The Sandlot
3. SLC Punk
4. The Notebook

Four Books I can read over and over again:
1. The Giver
2. The Notebook
3. A Child Called 'It'
4. I dunno.. I'm not a big reader anymore.

Four Places I've lived:
1. Glebemount Avenue
2. Fairside Avenue
3. Hutton Avenue
4. Binswood Avenue

Four TV shows I love:
1. Degrassi: the Next Generation
2. Degrassi Junior High
3. Degrassi High
4. The Surreal Life

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Niagra Falls
2. Quebec City
3. The Finger Lakes (in New York State)
4. Montreal

Four of my favourite dishes:
1. Tacos
2. Shishkebob
3. Hamburgers
4. Bruschetta - but only when my mom makes it

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Kiwibox
2. MySpace
3. Neopets
4. The Teen Room blog

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Church
2. Geoff's house
3. Out getting food
4. In the kitchen getting food

Four people I'm tagging:
Eh.. whoever hasn't done this yet but wants to.

SLINKY!

So tonight at Living Rooms, we got into a bit of a discussion about Devin and Heather. Amy asked how we could go about loving them, and it got me thinking. How CAN I love them? I know they have both good points and faults about them just like I do, but for whatever reason(s), loving them seems about a million times more difficult than loving anyone else. They haven't exactly shown me much love through various things they've done over the years, so why shouldn't I return the non-love? Because hating someone is the easy way out. No one ever achieved anything noteworthy by taking the easy route. However, I know that I can't change the way things are between us, not just because of myself, but because I know that they don't want to either. And that's ok with me. Chances are, it wouldn't work out very well anyway. But I don't want to waste any more time or energy hating them. It's not right. They were good friends of mine for years, and the fact that this is where we've ended up.. it's almost sickening. I don't want to hate them, but I don't want to be friends with them. My only way of showing them love is a happy medium: to just know that YES, they do exist. They're not going anywhere, and that's fine. I just don't want any more to do with them, because I know that all it will bring is conflict. So I am going to delete them off my msn, my myspace, my hotmail address book. I'm going to erase their names and numbers from my cell phone, and just let them be. I'm not doing this out of hate or anger, just out of respect, and the only way I can show them love. It's the only way I can see to bring peace, and just leave things alone, so that's what I'm going to do. And that'll be all.

Girls, keep up the prayers.